Children's Day is almost over, and here I am, after another difficult pre-bedtime session with my son, complaining to my husband (who's out of town) about it. Ved has been a difficult sleeper since he was born, and even though he sleeps through the night now, getting him to settle down remains a challenge.
Almost everyday, I question my abilities as a mother. I am probably the least patient person in the world, so I raise my voice at my boy sometimes, and when he's apologetic, I feel guilty and I tone it down. Of course, he instantly goes back to being mischievous, and I wonder how the hell I'm parenting him. Once I'm back home from work, I don't have the energy to take him downstairs to play, so I send him with the nanny, and now, I don't know any of his friends' moms. I cannot get him to eat vegetables, I cannot stop him from eating too much candy, and I cannot prevent him from falling sick or getting hurt. Oh, and there are days when he declares that he doesn't like me and he prefers his nanny or his teachers.
I've always loved children, but I never fathomed how difficult it would be to raise a child of my own. I thought it would come naturally to me, and maybe some parts do, but most the time, I'm filled with self-doubt.
Why does this happen?
Mothers are labeled as superheroes, and that scares me a little. Or maybe a lot. Do you know that Gal Gadot shot a bunch of her scenes in Wonder Woman when she was pregnant? I could never do that! I hear about mothers multitasking, preaching about how to raise children right, and then I see myself, and how miserably I'm failing at it.
But, let's face the truth. I'm not a superhero. And I don't even want to try becoming one. Every child is unique, and yes, their upbringing does affect their personality, but how they absorb every experience around them also depends on external influences - be it people or events, and of course, the wiring in their brain that makes them who they are. And as parents, we can only do the best that is humanly possible. The rest is up to them.
For example, I was a finicky eater as a kid. My mother tried to improve my eating habits, but I remained the same. Some place else, my husband grew up with an ardent dislike for vegetables, and his mother tried to make him eat his greens, but failed. Today, I am someone who eats well, and I'm hardly ever picky about food. How? When I was 18, I moved to a boarding college for my engineering degree. One semester of Indian hostel food is all it took to change my eating habits. My husband, on the other hand, still doesn't eat vegetables, because he never went through any experience that forced him to change his eating habits. Are either of these instances examples of good or bad parenting? I think not.
There's a reason why flight attendants ask us to put on our oxygen masks before assisting others, even our kids. We cannot raise children if we're not physically and emotionally fit, and for that, if it means that we're giving ourselves a break from parenting sometimes and letting them figure things out on their own, that's okay. After all, we can't be there for them forever.
So, if you're a parent who's having a bad day, give yourself that break. Take a day off work and drop your kid at daycare. Sleep, read, get a massage, order your favorite food, binge-watch a series, or day-drink. Because you are awesome, and you deserve it. And once your kid is back home (and you're not hungover), you'll be back to being a kick-ass parent, and you'll rock every bit of it! If you don't...well, read my post again!
Almost everyday, I question my abilities as a mother. I am probably the least patient person in the world, so I raise my voice at my boy sometimes, and when he's apologetic, I feel guilty and I tone it down. Of course, he instantly goes back to being mischievous, and I wonder how the hell I'm parenting him. Once I'm back home from work, I don't have the energy to take him downstairs to play, so I send him with the nanny, and now, I don't know any of his friends' moms. I cannot get him to eat vegetables, I cannot stop him from eating too much candy, and I cannot prevent him from falling sick or getting hurt. Oh, and there are days when he declares that he doesn't like me and he prefers his nanny or his teachers.
I've always loved children, but I never fathomed how difficult it would be to raise a child of my own. I thought it would come naturally to me, and maybe some parts do, but most the time, I'm filled with self-doubt.
Why does this happen?
Mothers are labeled as superheroes, and that scares me a little. Or maybe a lot. Do you know that Gal Gadot shot a bunch of her scenes in Wonder Woman when she was pregnant? I could never do that! I hear about mothers multitasking, preaching about how to raise children right, and then I see myself, and how miserably I'm failing at it.
But, let's face the truth. I'm not a superhero. And I don't even want to try becoming one. Every child is unique, and yes, their upbringing does affect their personality, but how they absorb every experience around them also depends on external influences - be it people or events, and of course, the wiring in their brain that makes them who they are. And as parents, we can only do the best that is humanly possible. The rest is up to them.
For example, I was a finicky eater as a kid. My mother tried to improve my eating habits, but I remained the same. Some place else, my husband grew up with an ardent dislike for vegetables, and his mother tried to make him eat his greens, but failed. Today, I am someone who eats well, and I'm hardly ever picky about food. How? When I was 18, I moved to a boarding college for my engineering degree. One semester of Indian hostel food is all it took to change my eating habits. My husband, on the other hand, still doesn't eat vegetables, because he never went through any experience that forced him to change his eating habits. Are either of these instances examples of good or bad parenting? I think not.
There's a reason why flight attendants ask us to put on our oxygen masks before assisting others, even our kids. We cannot raise children if we're not physically and emotionally fit, and for that, if it means that we're giving ourselves a break from parenting sometimes and letting them figure things out on their own, that's okay. After all, we can't be there for them forever.
So, if you're a parent who's having a bad day, give yourself that break. Take a day off work and drop your kid at daycare. Sleep, read, get a massage, order your favorite food, binge-watch a series, or day-drink. Because you are awesome, and you deserve it. And once your kid is back home (and you're not hungover), you'll be back to being a kick-ass parent, and you'll rock every bit of it! If you don't...well, read my post again!
