All About Kick-Ass Parenting!

Children's Day is almost over, and here I am, after another difficult pre-bedtime session with my son, complaining to my husband (who's out of town) about it. Ved has been a difficult sleeper since he was born, and even though he sleeps through the night now, getting him to settle down remains a challenge.

Almost everyday, I question my abilities as a mother. I am probably the least patient person in the world, so I raise my voice at my boy sometimes, and when he's apologetic, I feel guilty and I tone it down. Of course, he instantly goes back to being mischievous, and I wonder how the hell I'm parenting him. Once I'm back home from work, I don't have the energy to take him downstairs to play, so I send him with the nanny, and now, I don't know any of his friends' moms. I cannot get him to eat vegetables, I cannot stop him from eating too much candy, and I cannot prevent him from falling sick or getting hurt. Oh, and there are days when he declares that he doesn't like me and he prefers his nanny or his teachers.

I've always loved children, but I never fathomed how difficult it would be to raise a child of my own. I thought it would come naturally to me, and maybe some parts do, but most the time, I'm filled with self-doubt.

Why does this happen?

Mothers are labeled as superheroes, and that scares me a little. Or maybe a lot. Do you know that Gal Gadot shot a bunch of her scenes in Wonder Woman when she was pregnant? I could never do that! I hear about mothers multitasking, preaching about how to raise children right, and then I see myself, and how miserably I'm failing at it.

But, let's face the truth. I'm not a superhero. And I don't even want to try becoming one. Every child is unique, and yes, their upbringing does affect their personality, but how they absorb every experience around them also depends on external influences - be it people or events, and of course, the wiring in their brain that makes them who they are. And as parents, we can only do the best that is humanly possible. The rest is up to them.

For example, I was a finicky eater as a kid. My mother tried to improve my eating habits, but I remained the same. Some place else, my husband grew up with an ardent dislike for vegetables, and his mother tried to make him eat his greens, but failed. Today, I am someone who eats well, and I'm hardly ever picky about food. How? When I was 18, I moved to a boarding college for my engineering degree. One semester of Indian hostel food is all it took to change my eating habits. My husband, on the other hand, still doesn't eat vegetables, because he never went through any experience that forced him to change his eating habits. Are either of these instances examples of good or bad parenting? I think not.

There's a reason why flight attendants ask us to put on our oxygen masks before assisting others, even our kids. We cannot raise children if we're not physically and emotionally fit, and for that, if it means that we're giving ourselves a break from parenting sometimes and letting them figure things out on their own, that's okay. After all, we can't be there for them forever.

So, if you're a parent who's having a bad day, give yourself that break. Take a day off work and drop your kid at daycare. Sleep, read, get a massage, order your favorite food, binge-watch a series, or day-drink. Because you are awesome, and you deserve it. And once your kid is back home (and you're not hungover), you'll be back to being a kick-ass parent, and you'll rock every bit of it! If you don't...well, read my post again!

A Poem That Doesn't Rhyme

As the silence of the night
Falls on my ears, I wonder -
Has life always been like this?

There's so much to do...
So many rules to follow,
So many responsibilities to fulfill,
So many issues to worry about,
So many things to ponder over,
In so little time!

So, I decided to let myself go
And write a poem that doesn't rhyme,
Simply for the heck of it.

And I did.

Laila!

It's been a long time since a song had me hooked to my earphones like this one. The culprit is 'O meri Laila' from the movie 'Laila Majnu' that released last month. Yes, I know - it has CHEESY written all over it.

I remember seeing glimpses of the movie's trailer and dismissing it as an imminent flop. After going crazy about the song, when I checked out the movie reviews today, I saw good ratings and overall positive comments from critics. With a cast of newcomers and the title giving away an unpopular theme, I guess it passed by unnoticed by the masses.

Anyway, this post is mostly for me to remember what goes on in my mind when I fall insanely in love with a song. This used to happen quite often in school and college, but music doesn't affect me as much nowadays. The first reason is that I always have to listen to the kind of songs my son likes, which consist of nursery rhymes and Hindi dance numbers. Believe me, I know all the lyrics to "Wheels on the bus" and "Tan tana tan tan tan tara"!

The second reason is that there isn't enough good Bollywood music nowadays. I am all for appreciating classics in any language, but contemporary Bollywood music has always been irreplaceable in my world. In an unexplainable way, it defined something in the very core of my personality, which brings me to the third reason - I'm a different person today. Age taught me to be more practical, and I guess one of the ways to achieve it was not to lose myself in the realm that music takes me to. I don't have the time for it and honestly, it isn't of much help. I'd prefer staying grounded in reality.

But then, what can I say? Once in a blue moon comes a song that takes the romantic in me to my happy place, even gives me a glimpse of who I used to be. And I'd like to cherish this song for doing exactly that.

'O meri Laila' starts on a subtle note, with a single instrument playing an earthy, folksy tune (probably Kashmiri, as that's the backdrop of the movie). There's something about these kind of tunes that makes me feel a connection, maybe because they take me back to my roots (The music director is from my home state!). The actual song begins after a few seconds, with more instruments catching up. The melody moves from delicate to strong in phases and does so in a lovely manner. The lyrics support the music in every sense. In the mellow parts, there are beautiful phrases like "Bhooli athanni si bachpan ke kurte mein se mil tu" (Translation - "Let me find you like I found that forgotten penny in the shirt I wore as a child"). Then, there's an open declaration of love with clichéd lines when the song reaches the chorus - "O meri Laila, khwab tu hai pehla" (Translation - "Dear Laila, you're my most precious dream"). To me, the flow of the music and lyrics depicts the ups and downs of a love that is just beginning to blossom. It shows how exciting and adventurous new love can be, and how diferent the trials and tribulations associated with it are, as compared to love that has been fulfilled and accepted by society. This kind of love is tranquil, and yet brings about a kind of rush. It is about two people with hopes and dreams, who believe that fighting against all odds to be together is the triumph of their love.

Atif Aslam has done justice to the song. I generally find his singing to be lacking in the levels of perfection that many other professional singers are capable of; but in this song, his voice is flawless, with ounces of emotion mixed into every note he takes. It is real and straight from the heart, which gives life to the song. Jyotica Tangri does a good job too, but doesn't have as many lines. Atif totally owns it.

A song like this doesn't come to my life often. For me, it is the perfect concoction of melody, words, and voice enveloped in the thing that matters the most to me, the thing I keep forgetting about - love.

She

When she looks around, she sees everyone busy with their own agenda. Sometimes, that agenda doesn't make sense to her at all. The targets they're chasing seem futile. Many of these people are the ones she considered closest to her and who she always thought her world would revolve around. In some sense, it does, but then she asks herself if it's really worth living her life for any mortal except herself. Because when she looks at them, that's what they are doing - living for themselves. 

She is the picture of the perfect employer, wife, mother, and daughter. But she has achieved this with more help from people who are really nobody to her, yet are the only ones that truly understand her pain and let her have some time for herself. And they do it with utmost sincerity and loyalty. She still hasn't understood why. At times when she feels terribly weakened, both physically and mentally, these are the ones who come to her aid, more than the ones she thought always would.

Who's she, you ask me? Of course, you know her. You meet her everyday - you call her "mom", "honey", "sweetie", "boss", or simply "hey you". She's today's working mother, battling all odds just to get through a day without breaking. She's her strongest version even at her weakest point. Why? Because she has no choice - that's just who she has to be.

Seductress

Her lustful eyes wear glasses of woe,
Her hungry red lips adorned in the lightest hue,
She walks with a gait, slow and gentle,
Hiding her cunning in her quiet mumble.

A seductress - the kind he fails to fathom,
He worships her like the queen of his kingdom;
Oblivious to her tactics, he surrenders his all,
Believing she'll catch his every fall.

She decorates his halls with rags that shine;
From juicy slow poison, she makes him wine;
Dazed by the sparkle, he's struck with awe;
High on liquor, he dances till grabbed by death's jaw.

Ripened with age, she stoops her back
But holds her head high, her scheming mind intact;
"I do not need your gold," to his kids she says,
While scooping diamonds from his bays.

Betrayed

"There isn't a thing I won't tell you"
I made a promise that day
To someone who I thought I knew
Would never hurt me, come what may.

My soul was naked, I bared it all-
My darkest secrets, my rise and fall;
Not for a moment did I hesitate
To walk into a trap and take the bait.

Not your Best Friend

"But mom, I am only asking for some more cheese on my sandwich. It makes your yummy sandwich even yummier! Parth's mother lets him eat as much butter and cheese as he wants, and they don't even tell his dad about it. She allows him to stay outdoors after 6 pm. They also goshup when he doesn't feel like studying. He says his mom is his best friend."

"'Gossip', not 'goshup'. Do you know what it means? Dig into the dictionary and find out."

"Why can't you just tell me? Parth's mom would have!"

"Because I'm your mother, not your best friend."

A couple of minutes after rummaging through the pages of the dictionary, his face lit up.

"Mom, I found it, I found it! I know what it means. Yay!" 

"Great. So how do you feel? You learned a new word today!" 

"I feel good. But I still want my cheese."

"Sure. Once you make your bed."

"But Parth's mother..."

"Always makes his bed for him? Got it. Now hurry up before I change my mind!"

20 years later... 

"Mom, you've already met her a couple of times. Do you think she's the right one for me? " 

"What do you think? Dig into your heart and find out."

"Just like the meaning of 'goshup'?"

"You still remember?"

"Of course. It's just that...we're in India."

"So?"

"Well, the whole saas-bahu thing is a big deal. All my friends have gotten their wives 'approved' by their mothers."

"You're the one who's going to share the rest of your life with her."

"What about you and dad?"

"What about us?"

"I can't leave you alone. I mean, sooner or later, we will be living with you. What if you can't get along with her?"

"Your dad and I enjoy each other's company. Do you think we'd let you guys move in and ruin our privacy?"

"Oh, come on mom, I'm serious!"

"Fine. Even if the four of us have to live together at some point of time in our lives, as long as we respect each others' boundaries, we'll get alone just fine."

"But I want you and her to be best friends!"

"What's with you and forced friendships? It's the most spontaneous of bonds; it'll happen if it has to. Besides, I think she already has a best friend."

"Who is that?"

"You."

"Oh, so you and dad are conspiring to drive me away from home. But what if I want your special cheese sandwich? You can't email it to me!"

"Drama queen! You already know how to make that; I taught you."

"You didn't say you will teach her."

"Should I?"

"No. I'll make them for her."

"That's good to hear."

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"I've been meaning to say something to you."

"What?"

"Thanks for not being my best friend, and for being the best mother in the world instead."